Word of the year…Expectant

I know expectant is my word of the year, and  no, I’m not pregnant.

I just wanted to throw that out their first. This factory is closed for business. In fact, with another birthday under our belts here, we just officially left the childhood years. We now have tweens and teens in our home,and I don’t think I am going to survive it. Not without a  lot of praying, yelling, and drinking. And, if you know me, you know I hardly drink, but I might need to amp it up a bit more than once a month. Just saying.

Getting back to my word of the year.

After sitting down and really thinking about where and what I want to do this year, I  wanted my word to be full of hope. I wanted to believe after a hard year last year, good things were meant for us this year.

Expectant.

Like a lot of people, we’ve had a lot of hard years. Normally for us, it means financially, like some big money thing broke in our house, and we are freaking out about how we are going to pay for it. This year was almost much harder. We had a death in the family,Little was hospitalized twice for pneumonia with fluid around her heart and lungs, I was let go from my regular job due to downsizing, and we had some other family issues that always make life harder and more emotional, and then there was real life on top of that.  I know many of your lives were probably the same, I  I don’t get to capitalize on the human condition.

Expectant.

With that word,I am ready to deal with the hard things that come our way, because they are going to. That is a promise.This life was never promised to be easy. But, I am also ready to wait hopefully on all of the good things that are meant for us. I am going to pull my boot straps up and meet those hard-life,send you to your knees things head on, I am  going to be ready, knowing at some point they are going to come, but I am also going to know in wait that there are really good things ahead, and God is walking on that path with us.

One thing that really made me decide on that word was I was at a retirement party for a friend. I had the opportunity to chat with old friends I see a lot on Facebook, but not  a lot in person.

One thing, that struck me as odd was people kept coming up to me and saying. “I love following you! You’ve become so successful! You are just flourishing! It’s amazing to watch you grow!”

And I kept thinking that that was so odd, because you know what, I didn’t feel successful. Not at all. In fact, I felt the exact opposite.

I’ve been writing this little blog for 9 1/2 years now. It started as a hobby, and as a way to connect with the outside world when I had 3 kids under the age of 6 and I felt isolated. I had dreams at that time that I didn’t know if they would ever be actualized.  I was slogging along, trying to stretch our money, while we mired in a bunch of debt. I took a lot of part-time jobs on the side to fill the gaps, but it was never enough, an then thee big,crappy things would happen, and we would slide ever farther back. it seemed like an endless cycle for a lot of years, until the kids all went to school and I could pick up a more steady job, and then we started playing catch up. The entire time I kept blogging.

Slowly , it’s grown into this big, beautiful, crazy, hard, complicated thing, that is a real job. Many times over the years I’d felt like walking away, and closing shop. But I kept getting drawn back.

But I will tell you, this blog journey for me was never cup-of -soup. Many people who start blogging want to quit their real jobs, and  do it full time and make all of this money. For people who are in it to win it, it doesn’t work that way. It’s hard and complicated and unless you are finding ways to manufacture traffic, it’s an uphill climb. For many years, I’ve had a regular job to supplement, until this last October.

For me, and I’ve said this before, it was always slow and steady wins the race. I’ve been plodding along, and I’ve had some amazing opportunities come to me. But, I’ve never made a ton of money. And for a long time, If I had worked part-time at Target, I would have made more.

After that Party. I really sat back and thought about what everyone had said. What was my definition of success? Was it making a lot of money? There is probably some truth to that, because who the heck doesn’t?. But how much? What is my goal? How much of it do I want it to be from blogging and how much from other things? Because I’ve learned,blog money can be a fickle thing.Was it writing more books, was it being in magazines? Did I only consider myself successful when I hit Martha Stewart status? When did I let myself feel proud of my accomplishments?

And I realized, you know what, I am successful. It opened my eyes a little, and made me realize,God has given me this thing I’ve been able to build over time. With hard work, it has brought me a steady income, given me the opportunity to stay home with my kids, to delve into fulfill dreams I’ve had, use my gifts, and hopefully bless and inspire other people. That would have never happened if it wasn’t intended for me, and if I had never taken the opportunities gifted to me.

So this year, with my word of the year, I am going to look ahead with hope and know that there is more coming. I am going to build on what I have. I am not going to let a silly thing like our extra loss of income stand in my way from moving ahead, because there are bigger and brighter things intended for us.

I am expectant.

Do you have a word of the year? Or do you make resolution or goals instead?