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Back on track

Hi everyone.We are finally getting back on track. For those of you who follow me on FB, you might have seen we’ve been back in the hospital with Little for a re-occurrence of Pneumonia. It wasn’t what we’ve expected at all, she hadn’t even been sick. Luckily, after having been thought it the first time, when her symptoms popped up, we were on top of getting her to the doctor really quickly. She went from a normal chest x-ray on Friday to having it full blown by Sunday. Super crazy.

Talk about the resiliency of kids.  She was a wet dishrag on Sunday, and they were talking about  the possibly of having to go in and surgically drain the fluid.  Today, I thought she was watching TV and  I suddenly heard the microwave running. I went in the kitchen and she was making herself buffalo chicken wings. I asked her, “What are you doing?”

She just looks at me like I’m all kinds of stupid and says, “Making chicken wings?”  Like she didn’t just come home from spending 3 days on a heart monitor with an IV.


So, we now have several follow ups with specialists and a big wig Doctor in the city.  We are not totally out of the woods, but when your baby makes chicken wings, it changes your whole perspective.

I wanted to say I am just so appreciative of all of the prayers and prayer groups.  I had no clue what God’s will for this whole thing was. On Monday, when the worst as going down, my heart felt completely broken. I could not even imagine if she had something that wasn’t fixable, or if we didn’t have great medical care. I know there is a huge debate on vaccines, and I respect everyone’s opinions on it and what you do for your family, but I will tell you they told us directly because she had had the pneumonia vaccine when she was little, it made it much easier to treat her right way and rule out many other things that were way worse or way harder to treat. 50-75 years ago this might have been an entirely different story.

It’s so hard to hear your kids cry out in pain,fear and illness and not be able to do anything about it.  When her chest pain was at it’s worst, and she wept because she “just wanted to go home”, I felt like every part of me was shattered and I would have taken on every bit of her pain and more. It’s that moment the doctors come in and want to do more tests because they want to rule out lymphoma and lupus that everything inside you sinks.

It was that night after she was asleep and many private tears as I sat on the plasticky couch bed, I felt a sense of peace roll over me almost like a softness, and my soul felt still. I had asked friends to pray, and I knew at that moment God was with me. I didn’t know what was going to happen tomorrow, but I knew at that moment His will would be done and no matter what, I could manage whatever it was. Some people say prayers don’t matter. Oh, how they do.

I am so thankful for those moments and blessings, and how in these dark times, we really need to give up what we hold closest, and  be still. The plan is there even if we are unsure of the outcome. Sometimes we feel forgotten, we feel cast a part.  I feel that way many times. I need to remember it’s me doing the separating, and the isolating, not God. It’s like a teenager who when you ask what’s wrong, they say “nothing ” with a sour face, like you’re the jerk,and they take on the burden of their problem themselves. You always are there for them at any time, and it’s frustrating, especially when you know you could help, but the other person is the one refusing it,even when they don’t realize it, if they would just let it go,yet they are the ones unwilling to open their own door.s445

We do the same thing.

Carmel Valley Ranch organic garden

Every time I go through a dark zone like this. I’ve been reminded I am not doing it alone. God gives me amazing friends and family from all over praying and giving support, and he gives me Himself right along the journey.

And I thank you for being a part of that.

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  1. So happy that your little is better! It’s amazing how wonderful routine things are when you’ve walked through a valley, isn’t it? Hope she keeps doing better!

  2. I think maybe God allows us to go through these things not because it is his will – but because he can use the especially tough times to be heard and felt. In these scary situations, all the peripheral in our lives vanishes so quickly, and our focus hones in to his presence, comfort, and direction 🙂 So glad your little precious is on the mend, and thank goodness for all the access to medical treatments (and preventatives) we have!

  3. Jen that was so beautifully said. It is amazing to me the peace that God can bring when going through hard and terrifying things. I am so thankful that we have a Heavenly Father who is always there with us and makes his prencence so real to us in those dark nights. Not only that but he uses it to strengthen us!
    I will be praying for complete healing for your daughter, wisdom for you and the doctors, and for quick clear answeres!
    Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5

  4. I had no idea, Jennifer. I pray your girl continues to mend. I know how hard it is as a mother when you see your child lying in a hospital bed. My Emily had terrible asthma as a baby and it shook me to the core trying to be strong for her yet so afraid myself.

    We all get the flu shot every year and I get the pneumonia shot every five years. I’ve had pneumonia twice and along with asthma it’s very dangerous.

    Take care and blessing to all of you.


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