Back on track

Hi everyone.We are finally getting back on track. For those of you who follow me on FB, you might have seen we’ve been back in the hospital with Little for a re-occurrence of Pneumonia. It wasn’t what we’ve expected at all, she hadn’t even been sick. Luckily, after having been thought it the first time, when her symptoms popped up, we were on top of getting her to the doctor really quickly. She went from a normal chest x-ray on Friday to having it full blown by Sunday. Super crazy.

Talk about the resiliency of kids.  She was a wet dishrag on Sunday, and they were talking about  the possibly of having to go in and surgically drain the fluid.  Today, I thought she was watching TV and  I suddenly heard the microwave running. I went in the kitchen and she was making herself buffalo chicken wings. I asked her, “What are you doing?”

She just looks at me like I’m all kinds of stupid and says, “Making chicken wings?”  Like she didn’t just come home from spending 3 days on a heart monitor with an IV.

Seriously.

So, we now have several follow ups with specialists and a big wig Doctor in the city.  We are not totally out of the woods, but when your baby makes chicken wings, it changes your whole perspective.

I wanted to say I am just so appreciative of all of the prayers and prayer groups.  I had no clue what God’s will for this whole thing was. On Monday, when the worst as going down, my heart felt completely broken. I could not even imagine if she had something that wasn’t fixable, or if we didn’t have great medical care. I know there is a huge debate on vaccines, and I respect everyone’s opinions on it and what you do for your family, but I will tell you they told us directly because she had had the pneumonia vaccine when she was little, it made it much easier to treat her right way and rule out many other things that were way worse or way harder to treat. 50-75 years ago this might have been an entirely different story.

It’s so hard to hear your kids cry out in pain,fear and illness and not be able to do anything about it.  When her chest pain was at it’s worst, and she wept because she “just wanted to go home”, I felt like every part of me was shattered and I would have taken on every bit of her pain and more. It’s that moment the doctors come in and want to do more tests because they want to rule out lymphoma and lupus that everything inside you sinks.

It was that night after she was asleep and many private tears as I sat on the plasticky couch bed, I felt a sense of peace roll over me almost like a softness, and my soul felt still. I had asked friends to pray, and I knew at that moment God was with me. I didn’t know what was going to happen tomorrow, but I knew at that moment His will would be done and no matter what, I could manage whatever it was. Some people say prayers don’t matter. Oh, how they do.

I am so thankful for those moments and blessings, and how in these dark times, we really need to give up what we hold closest, and  be still. The plan is there even if we are unsure of the outcome. Sometimes we feel forgotten, we feel cast a part.  I feel that way many times. I need to remember it’s me doing the separating, and the isolating, not God. It’s like a teenager who when you ask what’s wrong, they say “nothing ” with a sour face, like you’re the jerk,and they take on the burden of their problem themselves. You always are there for them at any time, and it’s frustrating, especially when you know you could help, but the other person is the one refusing it,even when they don’t realize it, if they would just let it go,yet they are the ones unwilling to open their own door.s445

We do the same thing.

Every time I go through a dark zone like this. I’ve been reminded I am not doing it alone. God gives me amazing friends and family from all over praying and giving support, and he gives me Himself right along the journey.

And I thank you for being a part of that.