What I really suck at… My macrame fail

So, I know I don’t normally start off my posts by telling you what I suck at, but my macrame fail was so funny (to me), that I had to share it.  I’ll share the pretty pictures and tell you about how awesome and amazing the Michaels Makers Summit was next week, but for now, here is the tale of my own crafting macrame fail.

Hi. I’m Jennifer Rizzo. And I can’t Math or Macrame. This is my true life story.

The summit has all of these amazing creative classes, with these super-talented instructors. Last year we had weaving, which I just LOVED. I was crazy excited when I saw macrame on the schedule. I love how the knots look, so amazing and artistic. The example pieces were just so beautiful to look at! I like to make stuff, I am generally pretty good at it too. This was going to be a breeze. I was going to take this skill home and make a ton of things for my home. I was going to show all of my readers how they too can do this beautiful handmade craft.

So inspiring! I was excited to really dig in and make this amazing piece. They had pretty yarn ready to go on another table so you could add these beautiful tassels when you were done.

We all had our own standing frames to work on. The makers who had the class before us said it was so fun,but their arms got tired. No big deal, I lift weights, I work out. This is going to be a breeze, I thought ( I had no clue why that even mattered, but in my head, it did.).

I started off watching so enthusiastically. Our instructor started off by showing us the basic knots and I was like, yeah, I totally got this. She went slowly, there were lots of understanding head nods, and when she was done and started to walk around, everyone dashed to their frames in excitement.

Then I had to do it.

While everyone else around me dived in with enthusiasm and was busily knotting away,for me, it was like the crafting equivalent of math. My mind went blank and none of it made sense. I kept trying to make these knots and they looked like a kindergartner learning to tie their shoes with 7 laces at one time. People kept trying to help me and show me slowly. I heard shouts all around me of makers yelling “Oh, I get this! This is so cool!” while whipping through their first row, and onto their second set of even more decorative knots.

I am not even kidding you. It was like some one gave me three different boxes of Ikea furniture mixed them together in one box with no instructions.

I’ve had an easier time dealing with necklaces in my jewelry box.

People were FINISHING their entire sections and after an HOUR this is as far as I got.

Some one asked me later, when I was recounting my story, “Which instructors helped you?”

ALL of THEM, TWICE.

It was like some new kind of fresh hell I had never experienced before. I literally was sweating and it wasn’t even 64 degrees out. I kept stopping and looking around like, did I die and this is my eternal punishment? Because that’s what it felt like. My only equivalent in life was when I had to spend the first 6 weeks of June in summer school for algebra my  sophomore year. You know how they tell you if you fail a class you are going to have to go to summer school? It turns out my 15 year old brain was floored that they don’t really lie about that kind of stuff. It was in an old section of the school with no air conditioning and the math teacher was an old man who refused to wear deodorant. Or Bathe. And, It was the second time I had gone through everything and I still only got a C. Barely. Not even kidding. TRUE STORY.

When they announced  30 minutes until the end of class, there were some makers who were working on their second row, and then there were these other girls in class who where finishing up these beautiful pieces and ADDING THEIR FREAKING TASSELS (Overachievers).

I had finally gotten this far:

I know laugh. It’s OK. I can take it. So, so sad.  Not even straight.

Jaderbomb tried to help me with the next section because her fingers were flying. It just did not click for me. She even tried standing behind me and guiding my hands the right way. It became so funny to me,I started laugh-crying, tears running down my face. I could hardly stand I was laughing so hard. I couldn’t breathe. I even think I peed a little. Once I collected myself, I watched her knot my next section and she said “Do you want to try?”

NO. NOT EVER AGAIN.

I took the 16 ropes, divided it into two sections of eight and tied those into one,big knot in the middle.

DONE. FOREVER.

So, needless to say, I will not be showing you how to do macrame on my blog any time soon.  I will be buying it on Etsy like everyone else. And please do not let this dissuade you from trying it yourself. Everyone else in class certainly seemed to be humming along like clockwork. In fact, people came out of it raving about how much they loved it. This was totally my macrame fail all the way around!

Other makers were going to take theirs home to finish. Mine happened to stay in California. What can I say? It didn’t fit in my luggage.